Okay, Mr. Ma gave you a premise for a screenwriting challenge. Now it’s my turn.

Here’s the premise. It’s like The Yearling, only gross. A small boy living in trailer-trash central gets yelled at by his abusive dad to go outside and kill the family pet. The boy clearly doesn’t want to do it—the pet is his only real friend. But Dangerous Dad shoves a gun in the boy’s hands and tells him to grow up and be a man. The boy goes outside into the rain to obey his father’s command.

The family pet is not a deer, or a dog, or even a marmot. It’s… well, that’s the question, isn’t it? Whatever it is, it’s disgusting.

What does the boy do? What does the pet do? What does the Dad do? And where’s the alcoholic mother?

Just to reiterate; Five page screenplays. You can e-mail them to us at 5minutehorror@sbcglobal.net, in standard PDF format. Put “Dark and Stormy” in the subject line. This isn’t technically a contest, but who knows? If we like what you wrote, you may get a message from us asking if it can be our next 5 Minute Horror mini-opus! Dust off that keyboard and make some nightmares come true.

And keep screamin’!

Joachim Von Bibbentrop

Get your raincoats on, Gang. I’m taking you on a trip. It’s a trip down a cold, wet and foreboding road of terror. It’s a horror screenplay!

Why do some screenplays shine, and others dim in the light of a new day? There are many reasons why a screenplay can be bad. Terrible premise. Badly drawn characters. No interesting plot developments. Stupid climax that makes no sense.

Now, let’s create a story. Premise: A woman wants to bring her deceased lover back to life. She needs the fluid of males to accomplish this.

Our female lead is a medical student at a university. Her back story is… She loved her boyfriend, but was frigid when it came to lovemaking. Her boyfriend got into aa car accident after a big fight over their sexual relationship. A geek who always has a love jones for our med student begins to get suspicious about the students dying on campus.

The med student’s first obstacle is a nosy professor who must be eliminated. Another is the geek getting too close, but to kill him or not? The last is the big experiment?

Climax is when the boyfriend comes back to life… but there’s a problem?

Now, you guys and gals have five pages to create a film. Can you do it? Write the script. Let’s see what you got! We’ll call the film… A Dark and Stormy Night. (unless you come up with a better title??) Write on!

Sin E. Ma

Hey, Gang. I’m in a puzzled mood today. I’m sitting at my favorite Starbucks sipping a silky smooth hot chocolate. (“Aahh!”) My mind begins to reflect on the past Halloween season. (I’m talking movie-wise.)

The cineplexes, television and cable outlets plus DVD rentals all seemed a bit sparse this season. There wasn’t any “new” or “remastered” editions of any old horror movies in the Hollywood Video or Blockbuster chains.

I have to say, I was really disappointed in the horror selections on cable. Turner Classic Movies, usually my go-to cable viewing, was sub-par this season. They had winners, like the Val Lewton series… “The Cat People”, “Curse of the Cat People”, “The Body Snatchers.” But they miss the boat on Vincent Price. They showed “Diary of a Mad Man”, “The Fly.” I loved the William Castle stuff… “The Tingler”, “Straight Jacket”, “Mr. Sardonicus”. American Movie Classics has let me down once again. It’s very weak, with the inferior “Halloween 4” and “…. 5,” “Halloween H2O”, “Halloween Resurrection”. Showing the shit stuff in any series is a cardinal sin.

Why, at THE moment of the horror season, are we being left out in the cold. Yeah, Yeah!! I know we got a new “Saw” movie… but gang, the “Saw” movies lost all their guts (I couldn’t resist… forgive me?) after “Saw II”.

One saving moment comes in the movie “Paranormal Activities”. (Old scares, not gore. It seems to be working.)

The big question is, why all the blunders during the Christmas season for horror fans? I was so bummed that all I got to see was “Saw VI”. The revival theaters around town were so-so. (A couple of good choices and a lot of bad.)

The “oops” is that folks who put together the viewing selections aren’t horror fans. Putting horror movies together could be great fun when done right. It seems like a lot of junk has been thrown in with a few gems. This doesn’t get my demonic grin on. Bad horror is like a bad steak… A lot of promise when looking at the cut of meat. Grave disappointment when taking that first bite and discovering… shitty flavor, tough texture and no enjoyment. Bad movies put together with one or two good still is a horror movie fan’s “Oops!”

Aisle B. Ceeing