Zombies swarm Amsterdam Avenue! Is there a sale on brains? With every purchase of a cerebellum, you get the medulla oblongotta thrown in for no extra charge, plus a synapse sprinkling on the cappuccino? Or maybe they’re just running from Harlem, like the rest of really white suburbia? Find out for yourself by watching the video adaptation of Zombie Radio Show, 5 Minute Horror’s cult comedy podcast. Click below!
What do you think, gang? Is it possible; Music that can explode your brain? Not counting Smashing Pumpkins, I mean? Is there something about the zombie brain that makes it particularly susceptible to exploding? Perhaps the lack of blood flow creates a vacuum effect in the skull, and the correct series of pitches cause the necrotic molecules to vibrate against each other, setting off a chain reaction that sends the skull plates flying. We don’t know much about science, but we know one thing– it’s messy. And sticky. Brains are very sticky. And they leave an aftertaste like slightly musty cheese that just stays with you. I guess what we’re saying is, brains are fine so long as they stay where the belong, but put ‘em outside of their place, and they’re just repulsive. The seat of our faculty, reason, and emotion, tastes like musty cheese. Any questions?
This has been a public service message brought to you by the sick creeps at 5 Minute Horror. Carry on.
Hey, gang! Check out this YouTube short featuring our own Tasty Jar in a stirring monologue that has stood the test of time as the greatest performance ever by a jar of sandwich spread. Enjoy!
Now, you’re probably asking “If you want to hear from me, why did you put me in a sound-proof room with a ball gag in my mouth?” We’ll get to that later. But stay focused! We want you to tell us what your favorite Zombie Radio Show commercial is. Take a look at the video collection below, and vote for your favorite commercial!
You can vote via Facebook, or via Twitter! Just give the number of your favorite commercial in your message, and we’ll tally the votes and announce the winner next Zombie Monday!
You know, Zombie Fans, there’s no such thing as a tragedy that doesn’t bring along with it a little opportunity. Drought brings opportunity for water companies, and mass murder makes moriticians massive millionaires. It stands to reason that the Zombie Apocalypse would create a new market for Zombie-related products. Sure, most of them are radioactive, but the long slow burning death of radiation poisoning sure beats the quick but horrifying death of zombies eating you alive, and possibly transforming you into a brain eater yourself.
While you’re watching the video, we encourage you to think ahead. It’s generally understood that the zombie apocalypse is coming. What products will people need for their comfort and survival? And remember, zombies aren’t the only bad guys out there. There’s also the asshole survivalists who shoot first, and claim you were a zombie later, just because you found the best parking space at the Home Depot.
But in the meantime, enjoy these little glimpses into Apocalyptic Capitalism. And if you find these ads inspiring you to create the next round of anti-zombie products– we’ll take our ten percent now, please.
Now, put the ball gag back in, and let’s get to work.
Hey, gang! The only thing we like more than occasional brutality is constant brutality. Check out this great video we spotted on Youtube. Pull out your check lists and see if we’ve got it all covered– knife, tire iron, chainsaw, ax, newspaper. Some of you may be asking, what about guns? To which we reply, “Wimp.” If you need a gun to kill a train station full of psychotic lunatics, just go back to prep school and grow a pair.
On top of the kudos from Doc and Gruesome of 5 Minute Horror, we also have an award from Comic-Con attributed to this fine short piece. Hang out and wait for the end– there’s a nice bit there. Actually, the entire movie is amply littered with bits, some nice and some not so nice, strewn across the screen. Like we said, it’s a good movie. Enjoy!
5 Minute Horror’s Cult Comedy Podcast Returns with Another Episode!
Why bother with all this bullet, machete, tear out a zombie’s eyes nonsense, when you can explode their heads from twenty feet? Chew Muscv, the new Harlem musical trend, has been clinically proven in street trials to take a zombie’s head off. Although Chew Music has no other value, and you shouldn’t listen to it if your life is not being threatened by a zombie, because it may cause embolisms in human brains, it has proven a spectacular deterrent to zombie attacks. Click the link below to listen to Zombie Radio Show Ep. 53 and get the whole story!
Chew Music has been responsible for the Renaissance in Harlem, according to Source Magazine. Formerly quarantined because of the particularly virulent species of zombie known as “Screamers”, Harlem has become the new center of culture, tourism and non-survivalist living in general. Residents are reporting rusty machetes, and children are taking the bus to school again, and actually returning home as well. Furthermore, sales are up in restaurants, clubs and crack, a sure sign of economic recovery. The Clintons have moved back in, and real estate prices have shot so high, blacks may no longer be able to afford to live there.
With such a discovery now reaching the mainstream, can other zombie head exploding technologies be far behind? Will we soon hear the strains of Zombie-Lethal Polkas, Zombie Paralyzing Country Western, and Jazz Zombie Knee-Capping? Time will tell, and so will 5 Minute Horror’s Zombie Radio Show!
Heyyyy, Jazz Fans! What do you get when you cross a corporation with a zombie? I don’t really know, but one thing’s for certain– neither death nor taxes are a sure thing anymore. I’ve been doing this Zombie Radio Show for over a year now fans, but I have never seen anything like Ep. 52. In the post-Zombie-Apocalypse, few things can be relied upon– the locks on coffins, for instance. But we’ve always been able to trust that our untrusty corporations will find ways to sell us things and make a lot of money. But our faith has been shaken, jazz fans. Just check out Zombie Radio Show Ep. 52! The special video adaptation is posted below. Click away! I’ll wait…
Jimmy Rudolph of WZMB Zombie Radio Show has two producers, folks, and that’s pretty awesome. But after a night on the town with J-Bo, it looks like we’re down to one and a half producers. Still, that’s better than no producers, or two producers from Boston. I’m sure that Mel will recover quickly and she’ll be twisting those knobs again. Until then, it’ll be me and J-Bo again, spinning those jazz platters and zombie heads. And we hope you’ll be there with us as we enter our second year, with smile and a pulse and without a taste for brains. I mean, we want eyes, but only when they’re attached to brains.
If you like what you’ve heard here at Zombie Radio Show, you can subscribe to us on YouTube, follow us on Twitter, and like us on Facebook! And stay tuned to 5 Minute Horror for more gruesome short horror tidbits. Remember, no matter where you go, there’s something behind you– even if it’s only your past.
